Now, about that hair…A youth director turns ‘life coach’ for teens, offering guidance through the awkward age

by Johanna Ginsberg NJJN Staff Writer

Randy Nathan, a 37-year Colorado native who lives in West Orange and is a member of Temple Emanu-El in Livingston, was happily pursuing his career as executive director of Temple B’nai Or in Morristown when, last March, he was asked to coach a local boys’ baseball team.

Nathan went to an Internet search engine and entered “coach” to find resources for brushing up on drills and exercises for the eight-year-olds who would be entrusted into his care. Instead, he stumbled upon something he hadn’t heard of before: life coaching. Not quite therapists but something more than personal assistants, life coaches offer clients expert advice and encouragement for making improvements in their lives.

It was something he could do well, Nathan told NJ Jewish News in a recent interview at a local Starbucks coffee house — not for the entrepreneurs, professionals, and career-switchers who usually hire coaches, but for teenagers.

“I don’t know if I found it or it found me,” said Nathan, who has also worked for close to 15 years as a synagogue youth group director and camp director, “It was a moment of clarity…. Coaching takes the best of everything — coaching, therapy, mentoring, friendship…. I reflected on my role as a youth worker and youth advocate and realized it includes many of the things I am doing. Now, I’ll make a go of it.” With master’s degrees in social work and in Jewish communal service administration, Nathan has served as director of camping services for JCC MetroWest, for the Reform movement’s Kutz Camp, and as youth director for Temple Emanu-El of West Essex in Livingston.

Within months of learning about life coaching, Nathan had shifted gears and enrolled in an eight-month certification program at the Institute for Professional Empowerment Coaching in Manalapan (see sidebar). In September, he will open his teen life-coaching practice full-time, working from the basement of his home. He will continue as youth director at Emanu-El on a part-time basis.

Nathan has embraced life coaching as the obvious vehicle through which to market his skills with teens. Unlike therapy, he said, coaching is focused on action, not talk. Once a teen and coach agree on the areas needing work, they set specific tasks to accomplish and goals for the client to meet from week to week. Goals come under such headings as health, social relationships, school, extracurricular activities, family, and spiritual awareness. Together with Nathan, the client will develop his or her goals, which could include anything from cleaning up a room to working on a school project to making better choices. “They’re individually based and really depend on where the teen is and what he’s trying to accomplish,” said Nathan. (Of course, he said, if he sees particular issues holding a client back, he will recommend a licensed therapist.)

Nathan said he believes teens are more likely to listen to messages coming from him as a coach than from parents or teachers. He compares the role to that of a camp counselor.

Adolescents have few positive role models and few people they really trust, said Nathan. He often finds himself filling a role for teens that parents traditionally filled, fielding phone calls and questions about drinking and driving, or about sex or how to handle difficult situations. “For some reason, God gave me the ability to connect with teens,” he said.

As he has always done in his work with youth, Nathan will continue to give those he will coach his cell phone number. “They know they can call me any time — if they find in a situation they have made the wrong decision, they can call me.” After all, he pointed, out, “adolescence is about learning how to make the right choices.”

Nathan recommends that teens enroll for three to four sessions per month, with a goal of a total of about a dozen sessions. The package includes unlimited e-mails, text messaging, and phone calls lasting under 10 minutes. And although most adult coaching is done by telephone, he suggests that 45-minute face-to-face sessions are preferable for this age group. For this package, he will charge $400 per month, with a three-month commitment.

Nathan will also provide parent coaching as well as family coaching.

“The idea is to help a person realize their potential selves. It’s a contagious belief in yourself."